IU in Berlin, Summer 2014: What If...

During this week, we all went on the tour of Jewish Berlin and Sachsenhausen concentration camp.

Jewish Berlin really changed the way I looked at things. Before, I went along keeping my head high and not looking "vulnerable" in a big city like this one. Now, my perspective has changed. I notice things I wouldn't have before; like a lot more of the Stumbling Stones, the Jewish buildings or cafes. I can also attempt to imagine what it was like for the Jewish during WWII and before. What if I was there during that time? What if I didn't survive?

One of the main monuments that hit hard was the Holocaust Memorial (left). When I first saw this huge field of stone without any explanation, I saw the same blocks of stone over and over again. The more I looked at it, I noticed that they seemed crooked in different ways and my OCD was telling me that I had to try and fix it, even though I know that it's impossible to move stone. This is what gave me the feeling of unease at first. Looking past the non-uniformity, I walked though the stones. I felt small and alone. Is this what the Holocaust victims felt like? Again, what if I was there?

After being told a little about this monument, I realized that the stones were meant to be individualized in every way possible; dimensions and angles put into the ground. This gave me the thought that when you look at the Holocaust as a whole, there were an enormous amount of people that were tortured and murdered, but when you get closer, there were individual people. They had names and families and history I don't even know about. Who could do such a thing to human beings?! Why did this happen? What if the assassination attempt on Hilter's life was successful? Would this still have been a major part of history? Would all of these people be alive if Hitler was killed sooner?

Sleeping quarters in Barack 38

A prison cell inside a prison

The washing area

Sachsenhausen was an entirely different experience for me than Jewish Berlin. Jewish Berlin made me see, Sachsenhausen made me feel. Although the camp was very open and I couldn't seem to find the wall I was surrounded by, I knew it was there. I felt claustrophobic. The entire 4 hours I was there, I could hardly breathe. Imagining what these human beings went through, made a deeper hole in me than anything I could personally experience. Such an impact forced me to admit that I had it easy; despite my grief for family members passing, for the friendships that were destroyed, and even the rape. NOTHING is as terrible as this.... It is a blessing and a curse to have gone through this...torturous place. The pictures do not even begin to describe what Sachsenhausen was like.