Scattered Thoughts and Haunted Memories of a Place I Barely Know

       Today is a difficult day for me. I awoke this morning to a triple shot espresso in order to get myself through the day. Why am I so tired? Oh, yeah. I didn't get much sleep last night. I found myself contacting my friends and family at two in the morning, not to talk about anything -- I just didn't want to feel so alone as Caroline (my roommate) slept. I walked through our decently sized hotel room, and I felt as if someone where with me. I felt haunted from the long day.

       Yesterday we visited Sachsenhausen. We were there around 3 hours... not nearly enough time to explore the entire camp. However, it was just enough time for me to think about it all day to the point where I was almost afraid to sleep. I took some remedy in posting pictures on social media, in hopes to release my thoughts and clear my mind.

The picture above is of the broom closet in Barrack 38.

It only made things worse. Music couldn't muffle my thoughts, and reading our assigned book made it worse. I absolutely could not stop thinking about the day, or the people who were once imprisoned there.

The picture above is of the crematorium.

The camp has been empty of prisoners for over 60 years.

Yet the despair echoes off the walls enclosing the camp.Walking into Sachsenhausen was astonishing. You can feel the energy of these people... so many people... so many horrifying things happening to these people.

       I was only there for 3 hours. I only saw what remains of this camp. What astonishes me is how so many people, all different types of people, people who didn't deserve to be there, were dehumanized and killed relentlessly for so long. There were so many camps. There were so many Nazis. So many people killing other people, in an effort of unification in the fatherland, as Hitler so quaintly encourages. What?! These camps were in the back yards of people just as susceptible to Hitler's wrath as the prisoners themselves! I feel the urge to pray for these prisoners... and they're already gone.

       It astonishes and disgusts me how this began -- and how long it went on. It baffles me that it was accomplished. That so many people thought that this was "for the best of the fatherland". How so many people could have this going on in their backyards. I guess when you're as helpless and as threatened as the Germans were at this point, there's not much you can do but endure the hell. 

       It's so ironic that those people who were trying to dehumanize and treat the prisoners as animals or inhuman, ended up dehumanizing themselves. They created themselves into madmen -- killing machines.

       It's in the past, yes, but history repeats itself... that's why we educate ourselves so thoroughly on this matter. Moreover, I think there is an obligation that we as humans with hearts have to memorialize these people who were killed so awfully.

       That being said, at what point does the memory of these people become a bad memory and a life event? Would those who suffered want us to truly understand what they went through to the extent that which some of us have? Or would it be enough to tell and retell their stories?

       Although I'm left with a haunted part of me, I'm happy I went. I'm happy to be haunted by their memory and suffering. It's the least I can do for those who were so easily forgotten in the past. It is not an obligation, but a privilege to understand what they endured.

Good quotes of the week:

"It happened once, it can happen again. This is what we must keep telling ourselves."

"The only thing worse than Auschwitz itself is to forget that a place like Auschwitz existed."

"You didn't have to be a revolutionary to put yourself in deadly peril. It was enough simply to be oneself. It was sufficient to take one single step and one ran into the traps maliciously set for Jews."

More pictures and thoughts on Instagram: @SunshineMaia